I think that people often place expectations upon themselves and others for different reasons or purposes. While in the past I may have looked at my Jiu-Jitsu as a place for competition and where I would excel and be rewarded for hard work… that mind frame has completely changed. I’ve spent countless hours on the mats, I’ve spent countless hours in seminars and private lessons to broaden my knowledge to ensure my game continues to evolve. It is an odd feeling when you realize that those hours and time has made a drastic influence and things have changed. The mats are no longer an area separated by size and weight, and the art takes over because it works. I am reminded how I thought weight and size were a main factor for Jiu-Jitsu, but I have time and time again placed myself in those exact situations to learn and grow… and I did. Reality is that those expectations were just walls that I had built up around myself, and I had to step outside of the box to gain understanding and first hand experience. Literally, I threw myself at every opportunity to have my ass handed to me…. repeatedly. And this was good for me, I needed this, it is hard to explain that experience but it is exactly what I needed to Grow.
I find myself holding back, not sure what to do or not to do or even to do anything at all… and it took me back to what was said in San Francisco at Kristina Barlaan’s women’s open mat (paths meet for a reason and I think this was why). She read off a small quote that at the time was heard but not fully understood. I can honestly look back now and say, wow… I get it and I understand. I am at a point where my game is ready to move ahead and I’m at a stand still not sure what to do…. or even how to go ahead with it because I feel like at some point people are looking at me and saying, “why is she doing that, and who does she think she is”? In turn it makes me want to fall back to meet their expectations of me and that makes me sad. I have grown and my game has changed and I want to help others to see what I see.
This stage of my journey may be the hardest to date.
The following is the quote that was read:
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are Inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves:
Who am I to be Brilliant, Gorgeous, Talented, and Fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others.
– Marianne Williamson
From “A Return to Love: Reflections on
The Principles of A Course in Miracles”
~ If you are in Wichita Falls, TX and looking to begin your journey, or simply passing through,
Please Stop by Red River BJJ!! ~
You do NOT have to be Great to start,
but you have to START
to become GREAT!!!